Thanksgiving
Several years ago I was sitting in the courtyard of my guru’s ashram in a small North Indian village, taking the sun, drinking chai, and watching a family of monkeys dance and fight around a few bags of rice. Bells were ringing in the distance and the sweet smells of marigolds and incense were mingling with the pungent aromas of spicy Indian food. The chilly mist of morning was slowly dissolving into the languid afternoon warmth. I found myself smiling at the futile efforts of the ashram manager shaking his stick at the persistent family of monkeys. Could he remove the monkeys, or would he have to move that delicious Basmati rice? Hmmmm……
This beautiful temple to Hanuman has always reawakened a deep river of emotion in me as it’s the place where I first met my guru, Neem Karoli Baba, and where the course of my life was radically changed. Whenever I visit here I find myself in tears, sometimes crying from overwhelming love, but more often crying out of loneliness and longing. However, on this day, listening to the old women endlessly chanting “Hare Krishna,” I was drifting in a cloud of contentment.
Sitting next to me was my chai partner, a very old and perpetually smiling devotee known simply as ‘Papa,’ a man who had been with Maharajji since the 1940’s. Papa’s leathery, toothless face always seemed to shine, even with his declining health, and his eyes held the gleam of one fixed on the divine, one who frequently received visions and visitations from his long deceased guru. Suddenly Papa turned towards me, his face uncharacteristically severe, and told me in his tremulous voice to go into what used to be Maharajji’s bedroom and sing eleven Hanuman Chaleesas. The Hanuman Chaleesa is a 40 verse prayer to the monkey god, “The Remover of Suffering” that was very loved by Maharajji. I, as usual, was feeling lazy and so I was bit reluctant. After all, I was already in a pretty good mood. Why spoil it with what I perceived as ‘effortful sadhana?’ But Papa pushed me, saying rather forcefully: “It’s the very least we can do! It’s the very least we can do! He who has given us everything……..What can we give back to him? Just our songs and our gratitude…….”
There were tears in Papa’s eyes as he said this to me so, to please my old friend and not get on the business end of his razor sharp tongue, I quickly grabbed my harmonium and went into Maharajji’s room to sing.
As soon as I entered the room I felt a change come over me. Perhaps it was the elaborate display of flowers on what used to be Maharajji’s bed, or the softly flickering oil lamps, or the wafting incense, or the huge photo of Baba gazing deep into my soul. But as I was singing, my voice bouncing off the whitewashed clay walls, I began to imagine the embodiment of love lying there, simply enjoying…. I had been in the habit of doing my ‘spiritual practices’ for myself, my own salvation, my ‘enlightenment,’ sometimes even my sanity. But now I found myself singing as an offering of thanks, as an expression of the deepest gratitude for a love and grace given totally without condition. Singing just to bring joy to He who is the source of all joy…. And my heart began to open in a way it had never opened before.
Papa gave me something that afternoon which is still growing inside of me. Although I forget way more often than I remember, I try to say thank you to God and to my guru every day, not just the fun and easy days, but really every day. Thank you for my life, my breath, my love, my challenges, my suffering, my happiness. For sure this is so much easier said than done, but when I can remember to offer my songs, my work, my heart, as a gift, without expecting or demanding anything in return, I can rest for just a moment in the sweet ocean of peace. And it seems there’s always more to be thankful about….
Marcy Lyon says:
Dear Jai…your beautful story brings tears to my eyes and I thankyou, from the deepest part of me…for reminding me…again and again…in love, Marcy Lyon
Parvati says:
Your writing is beautiful, Jai. Brings love and devotion to the forefront so seamlessly…. it’s time, you know.
Vishwanath says:
Your remembrance warms my heart…
like a chain reaction, I am there..
in remembrance..
Maharaj ki jai !
Hanuman ki jai !
Ed Gregoire says:
Perfect…just perfect!!
Namaste,
Ed
Ken Bernstein says:
Beautiful story. Thanks for the reminder.
Also, I just want to say that “Music for Yoga and other Joys” and “Loveland” are excellent and on my eternal playlist.
Peace,
Ken
Sue says:
Thank Jai – your posts bring me to such a deep place in myself. I also feel such a “longing” just reading about your experiences – how I wish I could have met your Guru – your writings connect me with him in a way I cannot describe….just longing….keep posting!
Yadubara says:
Jai, that was a beautiful description…not wanting to serve, then being transformed and feeling joy. It reminds me of many verses of the Gita which instruct us to give up thoughts of our own gratification and turn to service of the Lord. I am doubly blessed today… by reading your offering and finishing our dvd series.
with gratitude,
Yadubara
Blake Tedder says:
“And my heart began to open in a way it had never opened before.”
yes. this just happens all the time when chanting the name. Thank you for sharing Jai.
Om Shanti.
Marie Camille Lentsch says:
Even your written words sing!
I am really grateful to read what you have lived and what you
are here for. It is an exotic adventure, that you describe with
great flare and a vividness that is also hypnotic. While you were
in India, I was at the top of the canyons of Utah, where I prayed everyday, with long solo hikes and great land vistas.
I love to read about your Guru and you. I had always longed to go to
India, and every attempt landed me in Iowa. Where I sing now, once in silent song while making art. I have just returned from Utah. We took the north route through the wilds to a place called
Flaming Gorge. A pristene, wild lake in the mountain/canyons of Utah and Wyoming. Flaming Gorge. What a title, gorge is the French word for throat. It reminds me of you.
Peace and Love to You and Your Family,
Thank you for Service.
Namaste, Marie Camille Lentsch
John Heussenstamm says:
Dear Jai Uttal, Thank you for your wonderful music with inspirational commitment and devotion. I read “The Miracle of Love” countless times and recall stories from that book that effect my life in universal ways. I had a dream of Maharajji and of course it was filled with bliss and merriment. Ram Dass was also a big influence in my younger days. I play my own brand of western/Indian music on a 9-string guitar I customized from a 12-string. I play with a South Indian percussionist and we’re just starting to record our sessions. Best Wishes, John
Agastya C.McCargar says:
Jai Shri Ram
…another beautiful story, Jai. It weaves the colours of your love and devotion for your Guru, together in a way that paints a vivid picture of Him as unconditional Love.
Ratna Stone says:
Jai Hanuman!
Oh what a beautiful exquisitve homage to both Sri Hanuman and
your Beloved Baba. What a rare moment you experienced there
and how wonderful that you are sharing it with us.
Your music never fails to take me to the higher realms.
You have so much grace and talent and expertise.
Thank you for being available to all of us. Your sharing
gives me hope.
Shanthi, Shanthi, Shanth,i
Ratna Stone
Penelope Smith says:
I find your articles about your experiences in India to be very touching, humorous, and loving.
Thank you.
Penelope Smith
Charu Rachlis says:
Dear Jai,
I just love receiving your words, your sometimes ‘funny’ way of describing your journey, it is so simple and fun.
I love going to chanting and listen to your stories, I fell as if I am 5 yrs. old and your are a old friend (note: not old person, but family person), I can just forget about everything and listen to each and every word with expectation and a heart happiness. I loved been part of your Kirtan Camp. Ezra is a blessed boy, I bet he also love listening to your stories.
I am from Brazil, I don’t know if you remember me?!?!
Any way, many blessings to you and Nubia and Ezra…
Love,
charu
Kathleen says:
Thanks for sharing your memory and for reminding me to be thankful every day for just being here…. I especially resonated with the idea of making a love offering of my daily routines….
WHEN are you coming to Chicago to sing Kirtan??
Tasha says:
Wow Jai, this was amazing. It is so easy to forget and to be selfish and do the practices for selfish reasons. But it is amazing to offer it up and to be incredibly grateful for our teachers and to the Source of All. I am thankful to YOU, to Daniel, to Lolo, to Diana and Lisa Mae, to Maharaji for bringing you all into my life and to every event that has brought me to this moment.
Jennifer Boylan says:
Thank You Jai.
Abhaya says:
Namaste Jai,
I like to check your blog to read your latest posts. I have commented before and do so again to appreciate the sensitivity from which you communicate your bhaav of the spiritual path. I delight in your expression. Keep digging out the scores of stories you hold within to share with all.
In Oneness,
Abhaya
Abhaya says:
Another touching description of Vraj. The cows are Krishnas own playmates and so are alive with that emotion.
Thanks for your story,
Abhaya